overcoming

fear has the potential to paralyze us. keep us at bay. suffocate us. i know this because for years i have had an intense fear of the water. as a child i was thrown into the deep end (thinking i would just swim!) too many times... or worse pulled under by my brothers. sorry guys but it's true you really messed me up by foolin' around!

so here i am in roatan, a small island surrounded by water (of course) and i can't seem to go deeper then my waist. we have the second largest and most beautiful reef in the world here and i have a fear of the water.

i knew it needed to be tackled. i knew it needed to be faced!! so little by little i began to face the fear. i remember the first time i snorkeled bob stood about 7 feet away from me and said.. come on deb. i went but not happily because i had water in my mask and was sputtering and hoping i wasn't 'over my head!'. hard to relax in those situations.

so bob, the dear, bought me a new and smaller mask. no leaks. good start. i began to feel comfortable in the water. as long as i wasn't over my head. i would go out 'deep' for maybe 10 seconds and then panic and high tail it back to shallow water.

fear is irrational. i knew in my head that i would float. i knew i could breathe with the mask but the fear was strong. so strong. my brother rob drowned in a canoeing accident when he was 21 and that only further inforced the reality that the water is indeed a dangerous place.

so .. having said all that... i am happy to say that on June 12, 2009 i finally faced this fear and overcome it's hold over me!!

we woke up to another lovely day on the island and decided to go snorkeling at the sea dancer dock. i have become rather comfortable snorkeling but usually i stay pretty close to the shore and allow matt and bob to go to the reef. i simply say.. no you guys go! i am happy here! (liar liar pants on fire!)

well that day, in the car, matt said, mom i think you should come out to the reef with us. you can do it.

suddenly something hit me, the reality that what he said was true. I COULD DO IT!! i agreed to go. now here is the interesting part: once i made up my mind it became 'easy'. my mind was made up, my will lined up and my emotions (fear, anxiety, dread) just took a back seat. bob had suggested i wear a live jacket which was a good plan.

so we unloaded the gear and started to walk to the end of the dock. my mind was made up! today was the day. :-) i swam around for a while just to acclimate and then began to 'journey' to the reef. here is a beautiful image for you.. i am swimming along with bob on one side of me and matt on the other. they flanked me out!! it was wonderful!



now the journey is about 500 feet to the reef skimming over sea grass for the most part and then a section of pretty deep water and then more sea grass and then sandy bottom and then deep water again to the reef. it seemed to me that we were snorkeling for about a half hour but bob said it was about 5 min. can you believe that?? either way.. when i made it to the sandy bottom I jumped up and began to sing the old hymn 'victory is mine!' (without my snorkel in my mouth, of course!!)

this will give you an idea how far the reef was. this is an old photo i took of matt. i didn't have my camera the day of the snorkel.. unfortunately

what an accomplishment for me!
we began exploring around the reef and i was blown away by all the colors of the coral: mustard yellows, greens, purple! with sea grass swaying so peacefully. and fish!! oh my!! lots of fish. i was smiling inside my mask. even as i write this i get butterflies in my stomach.. the good kind! the amazing thing is i was totally relaxed!! i don't know if you believe in miracles.. but peace for me while swimming in deep water with strange things all around me and waves crashing over the reef is a miracle!!

I found these on the internet .. couldn't find anyone to ask permission.. just wanted you to see what i saw...

i have another handicap: i can't see much without my glasses. so bob and matt were my 'eyes' under there. i could see things that i snorkeled over top of but anything off in the distance or hiding in the coral was harder for me to see. at one point matt came to the surface and said, 'parrot fish.. big ones!' so we swam (oh yeah.. bob never left my side the whole time, he held my hand the whole time.. almost brings tears to my eyes.. i am so blessed) anyways, we swam over there and matt is pointing and i don't see a thing!!! i need prescription goggles in a big way!!!!!!!

finally the fish moved into the light and i almost gasped at it's beauty. imagine this.... if you can... azure blue water, white sandy bottom, colorful coral towering to the surface, brilliant green sea grass swaying, and then this huge rainbow colored fish lazily swims by. i almost screamed with delight.



lesson #1 ~~ don't scream with delight under water!

I am just so very glad that I didn't allow my fear to keep me from seeing and experiencing the wonder of the water world. We all have fears about things and I hope this will encourage you to face them so you can be free to enjoy all that He has made.

It's a beautiful, stunning, breathtaking, mind boggling world down there.

I am going again.. oh yeah!! :-)