Re-focused

Ever feel like your world is spinning faster then it should be?   That there are too many plates on it and you can barely keep them all in the air.   I love our life here and daily thank God for the endless ways He shows Himself and the many countless answer to prayers but I had let a few things slip.   Well really only one thing: intimacy.   Without intimacy then our lives become about work and stress and strain.
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Then put into the mix health issues.   The first thing I noticed was that  I was cold.  I didn't think too much of it because it was our rainy season but I was colder then most.   Even as the weather warmed up a bit I was still cold.   I was colder then my island friends, and slept with socks and a blanket (still do actually...)   So I thought it was thyroid.   But nope.  My doctor here was concerned with my low pulse and thought it was my heart.  Since we were going to the Mainland for a missionary retreat he suggested I see a cardiologist and my tests came back fine .  He re-did the thyroid and that came back fine.     I am waiting for one more test which will be ready today. It is an anti-body test so we will see.  I think it is thryoid, but He knows.

The other thing I faced was fatigue.  Totally weak.  Burnt out. Many people thought that perhaps it was an attack on our ministry but I realized that part of it was a sifting.  A shaking.

He was sifting me.  \And sifting hurts!!   Oh my, it was painful! If you haven't been sifted lately it requires a stripping away of everything that is not truly of Him.  Shake, shake, shake!!   Busyness.  Shake.  Self-effort.  Shake.  Routine. Shake. Scurrying to meet all the needs:  SHAKE!!!!!!!!

So what did all that shaking and sifting result in??

 brokenness ~~ abandonment ~ dependance on Him.

Re-focus.  Renewed peace.  Less stress

This is an excerpt from my newest journal:

"Focus, focus, focus.on Him, Only.  That is what I need to do..   Re-shift my focus. 

 Lately I was focusing on what needed to be done, and the needs are sooo great!!  

  I am re-learning to live IN Him.

  Not what I have to do but what He has graced me to BE here. Simple:  light and love

But here is the bottom line: I need His light .  I need His love.

THEN I can give it away....

God Himself."

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "Whoever wants to be My disciples must deny themselves,
take up their cross and FOLLOW ME"  Matt 16:24

Some of you know that I am off facebook.  I gave it up for Lent.  I had originally thought that I would do 'JBFB':  Jesus before Facebook.  Sounds good right?  Make sure I spent good and beautiful times of intimacy with Him first.   So while at the Missionary retreat I was praying and talking to Him about this and it came to mind:  Would you give up Facebook for Me?  UMMMM????   Really.

   Yes.  I . Would.

What is life like without facebook??

1. Well firstly, I have TIME.  So much more time.  It's incredible.   I found it took alot of time  just read all my notifications, comment, and look at photos.   Then you add playing scrabble with two friends, and Candy Crush.  (well I had deleted candy crush before I actually deactivated... that is a big time stealer).  I have time!! \I have time  for Jesus.  I am writing in my journal again.. every day, and spending enough time to read His word and also hear His voice.  Beautiful beyond words. Its been such a blessing.  I have time with Bob.  I have time to talk on the phone with my kids.  I have time to go outside and walk through my garden....I have time to be creative and to read.

2.  Being off facebook forces me to make the effort to connect.  It means I have to call, skype or type mails. .  I type emails to my family and friends.  They write back.  It's beautiful.  There is no LIKE button in the real world.  It makes me think and express true words and true  feelings.

3.  I realize out of about 300 friends that I really only have about 10 friends. (yes that includes our kids!)  People who actually write me or call me.  You know what, that is a blessing!!   It is wonderful thing to have that many people who love me regardless if it is easy or if I am 'accessible'.  True friends.  Thank you.

4.  I realize the world goes on without me. I don't need to know everything!!! :-)  Yes I miss the updates and seeing what is going on but truthfully I have been praying for you more without the visual.  Go figure... that is so like God.

I have about a month left to be 'facebook-less'.     After Lent I will ask if I am to return to it.  I really can't say right now.  I miss it but not as much as I thought I would.  If you want to connect then write me at roatandebi@gmail.com.


So all is well. I am staying 'in the vine', abiding and just in awe of His daily blessings.  I am regaining my physical strength daily and I am learning  that it is not my job to do it all.  I have trained my Made in Roatan girls well and this last month they have proved that they are more then capable to creative beautiful things with me sitting beside them.    I have learned to sit.  I am staying connected with my kids more intentionally through skype or emails.  Long distance relationships are hard and take effort but it is worth it. I talk to them everyday.   Bob and I share from the word together and pray after supper every evening.   It is sweet to snuggle on the couch together and pour into each other's lives and pray for what concerns us.

Re-focused.  Love and light.  Jesus first.   Family and friends second.  Ministry third.  The rest of the  world: as He leads.

Rooted and grounded IN Him

I asked the Lord for a verse.  A fresh word from Him and this is the verse that came to mind:
Isaiah 46:4 (just like that.. it came to my mind) So I looked it up and there it is:

"Even to your old age, and gray hair.  I am He.  I am He who will sustain you.   I have made you and I will carry you.  I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

How beautiful is that??   It brings tears to my eyes.   I don't know if you noticed that He said He would 'sustain me' TWICE!  So I looked it up and sustain means this:

"strengthen or support physically and mentally"

I can attest that through it all:  through health issues, extreme exhaustion, weariness, family troubles that He is my support and I am trusting Him to restore me (and He is) and take care of Mattie (and He is)

The light is on.  Jesus is in the main room of my life again. (not off in a little corner....I am being honest folks... it is easy to compartmentalize Him. sad but true.)    Keep making it real!